Run, Forest, Run!!

When I was a kid, I had to walk home from elementary school.

It wasn't that far and didn't really feel like it was until I got to the bottom of my street.

I could see my house and suddenly it felt so far away.

I would instantly become exhausted and just knew that I would in fact die before I got home.

As I have been running, I set goals for myself.

Pushing myself farther than the day before.

It's interesting to me that as soon as I can see my destination

I feel like my feet have become heavier and it feels like I am running in slow motion.

Then I start to try to convince myself that I am close enough and I came farther than I did yesterday, so I can stop running and walk now.

Why is that?

Why when I see the resting place do I suddenly become impatient, tired and feel weak?

Why don't I feel like quitting any sooner?

Is this what Satan does when we are getting to close to our goals?

When I set a goal for myself, I don't discouraged 5 minutes after I set it.

I think it all starts to go down hill when he can see that I'm succeeding.

That's when I get tired, discouraged, weak and want to quit.

I think it would do me good to turn around and look back and see how far I've come more often. It may be okay to stop running for a minute just so I can appreciate what I have done.

My Aunt Elaine said to me "In the church, we teach the ideal." So growing up I wanted to get married in the temple, have my family and be a stay at home mom and live happily ever after.

This is what I was taught. This is what I wanted. This is what I worked so hard to have.

This is not how it is.

So now what? I still have this goal. I'm still running in that direction.

I can see what I want and suddenly it seems impossible and so far away.

It may be time to stop running and turn around and see how far I've come.

Time to appreciate how strong I have become. What I have learned.

I must be careful to watch my step. Other people run this trail with their dogs.

I don't want to step in any one's sh@$.

Me. Just Me.

Here I am. All alone since Wednesday early afternoon.

It has been both a relaxing and productive week.

Wednesday I went shopping & to dinner with my good friend, Lisa Hall.

Every girl needs to have a friend like her.

She has helped me a lot these past few months.

Later that night we met up with a bunch of other great friends at the movies.

We saw "The Green Lantern" with Ryan Reynolds.

One word...Yum.

Thursday I went to the spa. If I had endless amounts of money,

I would go there at least once a month.

I got an hour and a half massage with the hot rocks

and a pedicure with the french tip gels.

My toes look so cute!

Friday I groomed in the morning, went to the temple,

came back to Perry and donated blood.

I had never done it before so I was worried that I would pass out

or something dramatic. Nothing dramatic happened.

Success.

Today (Saturday) I have been cleaning and organizing my basement.

I started with my storage area, then did the office/library,

then the toy closet. Yikes! It is alllll done and it is marvelous!!

I really love a clean and organized house.

It will only stay this way til the kids get home tomorrow night.

Which leads me to another topic.

Transitions.

So, when I have my kids I'm in Mommy mode.

I've been playing that role for 11 years.

I think I got it down, though I'm FAR from perfect.

But it's pretty fair to say, I know mostly what I'm doing.

The new part I'm learning to play is that of simply being a woman...no kids.

When they go with their Dad, I'm just me. Well, I haven't been just me for 14 years!

It's different. I'm learning a lot about myself.

I have learned that I am responsible for making ME happy.

No one else can do it for me. It's a choice. Sometimes a hard one.

But unless I make that choice, it's all just fake.

I can't even begin to tell you how much I HATE fake!

I am learning to pray more when I need help.

It's good to have friends and family to give support and advice when needed

but too often do I pick up the phone rather than go to my knees.

I have focused on this more this week and I have loved feeling so much joy and peace!

And on a lighter note, I have learned that you can go on facebook naked.

What?! I was waiting for the bath to fill up...I had to do something.

It felt so naughty! I could see there were people on line

but no one knew I was sending messages in the nude!

I will probably do it again.

While this is not all I have learned and I still have so much more to learn,

I have found that I like me!

I like being alone. I like going out with friends. I like going on dates.

I've only been on a couple but I'm looking forward to more!

I am confident in who I am and where I'm going.

So as far as being me....just me...I kinda like it!

I think I'll keep me.

Happy.

PHEW!

I'm back!

I knew I would return to blogging, just didn't know when.

How bout now?!

So, where to begin?

How bout I just jump in, head first without my nose plugged?

I am divorced.

Gosh, when I type it out it actually looks much worse than it really is.

I remember right after I decided to get divorced,
I wrote the word in my journal and it made me sick to my stomach.

It's just not a pretty word no matter how you look at it.

No amount of words could ever describe the pain and heartache

associated with divorce. It actually surpised me!

I remember thinking "I know this is the right thing to do.

Never had I recieved an answer so clear. So if I'm doing what's right, why does it hurt?"

But the heartache quickly turned to peace and that peace is pure happiness!

And I LOVE being happy!!

So while the word still isn't pretty, I've found happiness.

And "Happy" is a fabulous word!!

It's also a fabulous feeling!

My heart is full of gratitude for the many wonderful friends and family who

overwhelmed me with love and support.

I was afraid of being judged.

The amount of love and support I recived FAR outeighed the unfair judgements.

I am blessed!

My kids are doing amazing! We have had a lot of hard talks.

It hasn't been easy and the challenges will continue.

But I know in Whom I have put my trust.

My faith is strong! I will keep fighting a good fight.

The rewards have exceeded the challenges.

So, was it worth all the heartache and sorrow?

You betcha!

I'm happy. More happy than I ever thought possible.

The Lord is good to me.

Grateful. Happy. Blessed.

Next chapter, please.

See...I love all my kids!

Here are the pictures I had Stacy take on her 8th Birthday.

I told you I had them!

I know, huh.

There are no words. Just emotion.

(Oh, and there is not a single of Paige cuz

her pics are on the other computer.

Next time.)

Of course!

Today, after putting it off long enough, I got the kids pictures taken.

Stacy has taken their pictures since Brockston was 6 months old.

I just can't go anywhere else! I love her!

Well, we got McKinley, Paige and Brockston done in about 5 minutes.

Avrie, on the other hand, was not having it!

She would not smile.

When we were practicing our smiles at home earlier, she had it down!

We tried candy, even a giant lollipop...nothing worked.

So her pictures this year will be toothless.

Well, not this one...this was our practice smile.

I love my Emily!

Do you ever have projects that sit and don't get done?

Me neither, just wondered if anyone procrastinates...un-like me.

Hahahaha!

I had the clock parts FOREVER and finally got the vinyl for it the other day.

Thanks to my Emily (cuz she's mine) for helping me get a project done!

And for being the bestest friend evah!

And this was just a bonus project.

I saw the idea in a Stampin' Up! catalog and loved it!

So Emily re-created one for me!

I still need to make cute little magnets and push pins

but, uh...that's another project.

Hopefully it won't take as long as my other projects.

And this is just video of Avrie at the pool the other day.

She didn't want to get in at first but the music just called to her.

My first sketch challenge! Oooo, I hope I win!

Okay, so...

I have been DYING to create something

using my old and dusty scrapbooking supplies.

Well, my scrapbook room is under construction

and all my stuff is in boxes.

Oh, how I long for the day of completion!

This is a direct hint for my husband who will not even read this.

Well, instead of dusting everything off, I stole 3 kits that

Emily

had purchased from

Amy.

I cannot sing enough high notes in praises about these kits!!!

There is sooooo much fantabulous stuff!!

Go check out her kits and buy them! You will not be sorry!

Holy crap, this is longer than I intended.

Anyway....

Lindsay

is having a sketch challenge, so I decided to DO IT!

(p.s. check out her awesome digi stamps!)

I have never done a sketch challenge before because, quite simply,

I don't like being told what to do!

I think this is how I'm supposed to enter. Not sure.

So without further adieu, here is my creation.

First of all, I need to learn how to take pictures of my projects.

The items I used are from Amy's kit "With a Cherry on Top"

with the exception of the button which came from her first kit.

Also, the Fabulous sticker is from Emily's new line of

Stickerz

I heart these new products!

I have had the pleasure of designing a few sheets for her new line.

(ya, that's how cool I am:)

The bigger words wouldn't change color for me.
You can click on the words and they will take you right where you need to go!

Ok, this is too long. Seriously...I'm out!

Still makes me laugh! Yep, even out loud.

Very poor quality cuz it's on my phone. But you get the idea.

She didn't get a nap that day and it finally overcame her.

Ohhhh...my side!

Mean, I'm Mean, I'm Mean...ya know what I mean.

I was just looking through pictures and remembered these.

This still makes me laugh uncontrolably.

Hence the title.

Brockston made the funniest face when the ride would bring him down.

(making the butterflies in the tummy)

It was hilarious! So I decided to share my cruelty.

Look how happy he is before the ride.

And here he is falling to his death. I'm laughing so hard!

See, I'm so mean!