It's Hard to be Royalty...

I am a total girl.

I like to dress up, wear make-up, get my hair done,

paint my nails, wear jewelry and be pampered.

The same things every normal princess likes.

So it's a sad occasion when I break a nail.

 Most often it's a pretty significant break,

leaving no hope for rescue and

I have no choice but to clip and file the nail.

 Sometimes the nail just gets a little crack on the side.

Then I do what any other royal would do,

I file it and put on nail polish.

Maybe I can save it!

 But typically the result is still the same.

Eventually the nail will completely break

and I have to clip it anyway.

 Well, I just broke a nail.

I know, you would have never guessed.

 This made me think of something beyond

simply breaking a nail.

 Sometimes we break.

Just when we are growing beautifully

we run into problems and get broken.

Sometimes it is our own carelessness that causes the break.

Other times it is out of our control.

Either way, we are still broken.

 If we allow the Lord to step in,

chip away the rough spots and shape us,

we can become even stronger than before.

 And while it may not be pretty,

it is still necessary to ensure proper growth.

If we are patient, we will see our progress

and find joy in our success.

 So the next time I break a nail, I will clip it, file it

and lean on the Lord for support to get me through

the heartache.

 After all, it is quite devestating to a princess,

when she breaks a nail.

You are more.

Who are you when no one is looking?

When you are left alone with just you, do you find you enjoy your company?

I have been forced to hang out with me.

Sometimes I can't get enough of me!

Other times I would rather just hang out with someone else.

You know the saying:

"Too much of a good thing..."

So here I was; Saturday.

Alone.

It was my chance to clean my craft room and USE it.

Why would it need cleaning if you don't use it, you ask?

Simple. I have kids.

Seriously...why would you ask that?

All finished!

I stood there basking in the beauty of a clean craft room.

"This room is ME," I thought.

I love to create.

I love to make the things in my world beautiful.

I feel a sense of freedom in this room.

A place where I can do everything I want to be

completely happy.

And yet, I have never REALLY used it.

This room has been finished for 2 years.

Why don't I come in here and create and dream?

Or even just sit.

I think somehow I got lost.

I have been so busy focusing on everything else,

I forgot to focus on me.

That's when my favorite part of "The Lion King" popped in my head.

"You have forgotten who you are...

Look inside yourself.

You are more than what you have become."

I am Divorced. I am Single.

Yes, these are both very true.

But I am SO much more!

I am a Mother. I am a Daughter.

I am a sister. I am a friend.

I am beautiful. I am talented.

I am spiritual. I am passionate.

I am loving. I am funny.

I am sensitive.

I am strong.

And I can become even more.

Shhh...Don't talk. I feel it too...

On line dating.

Everyone has an opinion.

You are either for it or against it.

Hmm...I guess you could be neutral.

Since I'm a woman, I am all 3.

I am for it AND against it AND neutral.

It really just depends on the day.

Some men are just looking to settle down and get married.

All business.

Some men are just looking for someone to hang out/make out with.

All fun.

There are a select few who are a fine balance of both.

The fun part is weeding thru.

I think they should have rules on these sites.

These are just a few that I have created based on

personal experience.

1.) You cannot be more than 10 years older or younger than the person of interest.

~If you were 14 when she had her oldest child; um...no.

~If you are as old or older than her Dad. Eew.

2.) You must have a job. I know...shallow.

3.) If you weigh 300 more lbs. than the person you are contacting, don't.

~Really?! Come on.

4.) If you can't think of fun and intelligent conversation during instant messaging,

Don't ask them out.

5.) If you are lacking in the looks department,

your only chance is one amazing personality!

6.) If you are NOT lacking in the looks department,

you still need one amazing personality.

7.) Laughter. Ever heard of it?

If not, just quit now. You're gonna be single for awhile.

8.) If you think you are all that and bag of potato chips,

you're wrong. You're not.

9.) Don't tell the woman you are chatting with that her picture turns you on.

Her looks are NOT what make her amazing.

And finally,

10.) Don't ever, under any circumstances ask the woman you're chatting with

if she has ever kissed a Mexican.

She hasn't.

And she's not starting with you.

It's awesome dating on line.

:)

I'm gonna go check my messages.

The path that ROCKS!!

The other day I got in a fight with myself.

It went something like this:

Me: "I reeeeally want to eat those chips with my healthy turkey sandwich."

Me: "Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of your healthy sandwich?"

Me: "You're right. No chips with my lunch. But nothing else sounds as good."

Me: "Have a cheese stick and some frozen grapes."

Me: (Sigh) "Fine. But I'm not happy about it."

Me: "Good girl. Your figure will thank you later."

Me: "Shut up."

~Later that night~

Me: "I'm hungry."

Me: "It's 9:30pm...you shouldn't eat anything."

Me: "You know what! I worked out and ate healthy all day, I deserve it!"

Me: "How bout some frozen grapes?"

Me: "You bet! Right after I have a bowl of chips."

Me: "You'll pay for that tomorrow."

Me: "Again...shut up."

(I sure showed me who was boss!)

I was reminded of my fight with myself as I sit here eating frozen grapes.

I usually don't eat anything after 8pm but I won that fight tonight too.

The fights I get into with myself don't always have to do with food.

Dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking...just to name a few.

I wonder if I will ever be able to control myself.

I mean, you see how stubborn I am?

I don't even stand a chance!

It's like Kronk from the Emperor's New Groove.

I have a little devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.

"Don't listen to that guy. He's trying to lead you down the path of righteousness.

I'm gonna lead you down the path that rocks!"

Yes, that's how I feel.

Sometimes I just want to cut loose and be rebelious!

Well, in my own way....

Chips or grapes?

Clean or messy?

Nutritious meal for dinner or cold cereal?

Sometimes I'm just gonna eat the chips!

Let the house be messy or have cold cereal for dinner.

I might even do all 3 in the same day!

Which, of course, means the following day I will be working out harder,

cleaning longer and have to buy more cereal for consuming at breakfast.

Maybe I'll just stick with grapes.

Stupid.

Chickens, Cats and Elephants

FEAR:
Anxiety, Despair, Distress, Doubt, Scare, Uneasiness, Worry

My personal favorite: Chickenheartedness

I want to know who decided that if you are scared,

it makes you a chicken. Or a cat.

You can just as easily scare an elephant.

My current fear: The unknown.

(Also, raw meat. I don't touch it with my bare hands. Yuck.)

There is no way to prepare for the unknown.

If you see a ball flying directly at your face,

you can put your hands up to block it

or get out of the way to avoid being hit,

or if you are really ambitious, catch it and run with it!

But that's when you see it coming.

See what I mean about the unknown...

How do you protect yourself, dodge, or catch something

you don't see coming?

Well I could just live in fear that at any given moment

I'm going to get hit with something?

OR

I can have faith.

~Gulp~

Give up my super powers and ultimate control over the universe.

FAITH:

Acceptance, Belief, Certainty, Confidence, Hope, Trust

"Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true.

To have faith is to have confidence in something or someone.

Faith is a principle of action and power."

(Bible Dictionary)

I love the words "Confidence, Action & Power"

I can be confident!

This confidence will lead me into action.

My actions will give me power over the adversary.

"Awake my soul! No longer droop in sin.

Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul."

2 Nephi 4:28

♥♥♥

Ode to the Wristband

3 weeks ago, 7 grown women left the quiet town of Perry for an adventure in Salt Lake City.

Departure time: 8:00pm.

On a normal day in the lives of these women, they would have been

in their jammies by then, if they had even bothered to get dressed at all.

Destination: Nightmare on 13th Street.

The majority of the brood may have been a little uncertain

but put on a brave front in the face of danger.

When they arrived, the single Mom was changing her mind fast.

"You girls get to go home to a strong, protective man. I go home alone."

But she couldn't back out now. She had already paid.

And she wasn't about to let $23 go to waste!

The skinny blonde bombshell had to ask multiple employees if the scary monsters

were allowed to touch you. Turns out, it's illegal.

How would that read on someone's criminal record?

The mission was a success! Everyone was properly scared and grossed out.

But here is the most exciting part of all!

If these women kept their wristband on for 3 weeks, they could go back for FREE!

The Asian was all for it! After all, it was her idea in the first place.

"Let's do it!"

Reluctantly, the single mom agreed.

"You realize I am dating. I don't want to wear this stupid thing on a date!"

She wasn't one to be the party pooper and didn't really care what people thought of her anyway.

So she agreed.

So here we are; present time. It has been 3 weeks.

This amazing bunch of women are heading back to the Haunted House.

Destination time: Sr. Citizen hour. 6:00pm

Being the day before the blessed event, the single Mom was counting down for

when she would finally be rid of the wreched wristband!

It had been driving her crazy for the past 3 weeks but she wasn't about to quit!

One more day.

Then something occurred to her.

This ugly, black wristband could be compared to her sins.

How eagar is she to be rid of them?

Do they drive her crazy or has she become used to them?

And just because she wears long sleeves so no one can see the wristband,

doesn't mean it's not there.

This ugly, annoying wristband will be gone and forgotten in no time at all.

But maybe now she will try to be as anxious to be rid of her sins as she was

to be rid of the wristband.

Run, Forest, Run!!

When I was a kid, I had to walk home from elementary school.

It wasn't that far and didn't really feel like it was until I got to the bottom of my street.

I could see my house and suddenly it felt so far away.

I would instantly become exhausted and just knew that I would in fact die before I got home.

As I have been running, I set goals for myself.

Pushing myself farther than the day before.

It's interesting to me that as soon as I can see my destination

I feel like my feet have become heavier and it feels like I am running in slow motion.

Then I start to try to convince myself that I am close enough and I came farther than I did yesterday, so I can stop running and walk now.

Why is that?

Why when I see the resting place do I suddenly become impatient, tired and feel weak?

Why don't I feel like quitting any sooner?

Is this what Satan does when we are getting to close to our goals?

When I set a goal for myself, I don't discouraged 5 minutes after I set it.

I think it all starts to go down hill when he can see that I'm succeeding.

That's when I get tired, discouraged, weak and want to quit.

I think it would do me good to turn around and look back and see how far I've come more often. It may be okay to stop running for a minute just so I can appreciate what I have done.

My Aunt Elaine said to me "In the church, we teach the ideal." So growing up I wanted to get married in the temple, have my family and be a stay at home mom and live happily ever after.

This is what I was taught. This is what I wanted. This is what I worked so hard to have.

This is not how it is.

So now what? I still have this goal. I'm still running in that direction.

I can see what I want and suddenly it seems impossible and so far away.

It may be time to stop running and turn around and see how far I've come.

Time to appreciate how strong I have become. What I have learned.

I must be careful to watch my step. Other people run this trail with their dogs.

I don't want to step in any one's sh@$.

Me. Just Me.

Here I am. All alone since Wednesday early afternoon.

It has been both a relaxing and productive week.

Wednesday I went shopping & to dinner with my good friend, Lisa Hall.

Every girl needs to have a friend like her.

She has helped me a lot these past few months.

Later that night we met up with a bunch of other great friends at the movies.

We saw "The Green Lantern" with Ryan Reynolds.

One word...Yum.

Thursday I went to the spa. If I had endless amounts of money,

I would go there at least once a month.

I got an hour and a half massage with the hot rocks

and a pedicure with the french tip gels.

My toes look so cute!

Friday I groomed in the morning, went to the temple,

came back to Perry and donated blood.

I had never done it before so I was worried that I would pass out

or something dramatic. Nothing dramatic happened.

Success.

Today (Saturday) I have been cleaning and organizing my basement.

I started with my storage area, then did the office/library,

then the toy closet. Yikes! It is alllll done and it is marvelous!!

I really love a clean and organized house.

It will only stay this way til the kids get home tomorrow night.

Which leads me to another topic.

Transitions.

So, when I have my kids I'm in Mommy mode.

I've been playing that role for 11 years.

I think I got it down, though I'm FAR from perfect.

But it's pretty fair to say, I know mostly what I'm doing.

The new part I'm learning to play is that of simply being a woman...no kids.

When they go with their Dad, I'm just me. Well, I haven't been just me for 14 years!

It's different. I'm learning a lot about myself.

I have learned that I am responsible for making ME happy.

No one else can do it for me. It's a choice. Sometimes a hard one.

But unless I make that choice, it's all just fake.

I can't even begin to tell you how much I HATE fake!

I am learning to pray more when I need help.

It's good to have friends and family to give support and advice when needed

but too often do I pick up the phone rather than go to my knees.

I have focused on this more this week and I have loved feeling so much joy and peace!

And on a lighter note, I have learned that you can go on facebook naked.

What?! I was waiting for the bath to fill up...I had to do something.

It felt so naughty! I could see there were people on line

but no one knew I was sending messages in the nude!

I will probably do it again.

While this is not all I have learned and I still have so much more to learn,

I have found that I like me!

I like being alone. I like going out with friends. I like going on dates.

I've only been on a couple but I'm looking forward to more!

I am confident in who I am and where I'm going.

So as far as being me....just me...I kinda like it!

I think I'll keep me.

Happy.

PHEW!

I'm back!

I knew I would return to blogging, just didn't know when.

How bout now?!

So, where to begin?

How bout I just jump in, head first without my nose plugged?

I am divorced.

Gosh, when I type it out it actually looks much worse than it really is.

I remember right after I decided to get divorced,
I wrote the word in my journal and it made me sick to my stomach.

It's just not a pretty word no matter how you look at it.

No amount of words could ever describe the pain and heartache

associated with divorce. It actually surpised me!

I remember thinking "I know this is the right thing to do.

Never had I recieved an answer so clear. So if I'm doing what's right, why does it hurt?"

But the heartache quickly turned to peace and that peace is pure happiness!

And I LOVE being happy!!

So while the word still isn't pretty, I've found happiness.

And "Happy" is a fabulous word!!

It's also a fabulous feeling!

My heart is full of gratitude for the many wonderful friends and family who

overwhelmed me with love and support.

I was afraid of being judged.

The amount of love and support I recived FAR outeighed the unfair judgements.

I am blessed!

My kids are doing amazing! We have had a lot of hard talks.

It hasn't been easy and the challenges will continue.

But I know in Whom I have put my trust.

My faith is strong! I will keep fighting a good fight.

The rewards have exceeded the challenges.

So, was it worth all the heartache and sorrow?

You betcha!

I'm happy. More happy than I ever thought possible.

The Lord is good to me.

Grateful. Happy. Blessed.

Next chapter, please.

See...I love all my kids!

Here are the pictures I had Stacy take on her 8th Birthday.

I told you I had them!